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27 things

14 Feb

I’ve been meaning to do this for a long time. So here goes:

  1. I always sleep with the TV on, and there’s a hammer in my nightstand. Just in case.
  2. I’m furiously protective of people I care about.
  3. I’m also terrified of losing a loved one and sometimes stay up thinking about it.
  4. My first memory was of me playing by the door, waiting for my dad to get home from work.
  5. I don’t watch horror movies, ever! I’ve yet to find someone willing to watch “Shaun of the dead” with me.
  6. Anything underwater scares the living daylights out of me. I can’t even swim in a pool alone.
  7. I get easily overwhelmed, quickly lose my temper, but the tiniest thing can make me smile again.
  8. No matter how nice you seem, or how much others like you, if I have a bad feeling about you, it will probably never go away. Also, my feelings are almost always right.
  9. I have a very random, eclectic (and sometimes weird) taste in music, books, and movies.
  10. When I was 7, I almost went blind because of measles fever.
  11. My aunt’s dog bit me when I was 2, because I went into its  house and woke it up. I still carry the scars on my right calf…
  12. …it didn’t seem to get to me though, I wanted to be a veterinarian up until my 12th year.
  13. I have a really hard time expressing my love for people, but I do it through gestures.
  14. Morning is not my thing. That is, until coffee hits my system.
  15. I hate raw tomatoes, overripe bananas and am allergic to sole
  16. I still regret saying no to dating my crush back when I was 14. I still think it could have been a turning point in my love life.
  17. I’ve only recently started liking myself and accepting who I am as a person. And let me tell you, I’m awesome (most of the time :D).
  18. A friend once stole a spoon for me from a café because I liked it. It made me love him more!
  19. Hands are what I check first in a guy, his face comes second. I also have a huge thing for redhead men.
  20. I’m very accepting of all kinds of people but very guarded about what I share with them.
  21. I could eat sushi and tom kha gai every single day. I also make a mean cheesecake.
  22. I regret moving back to my country so quickly. But I’m thinking about moving away soon.
  23. Guilt and body issues took away big chunks of my self esteem, which I’m slowly rebuilding.
  24. Nail polish is one of my obsessions. I (proudly) own 70+ bottles.
  25. My other obsession is perfume.
  26. I’ve had more than ten different addresses since 2002. Had never moved once before that.
  27. I’m 27 today. Older, but probably not wiser. And that’s quite alright with me!

One of those days

3 Feb

Today is one of those days when I’m…

Dwelling on my past, and my mistakes (especially those)

Feeling stuck, repeating that same failed pattern over and over again

Focusing too much on the negatives, too little on the positives

Feeling like I’m heading the opposite way of, well, everything

Knowing I need change, yet not knowing where to start

…in short, today is not a good day. Terribly overwhelming!

And we’re back!

25 Apr

I have neglected this blog for a little while now, but def missed it. The past few weeks have been stressful, busy, but definitely eventful. Here’s what happened, more or less and in no particular order:

– I moved into a new apartment with a crazy chick and one of the funniest people I know: my sister. The even better news is, we still haven’t driven each other crazy and both our throats are safe (for now anyway).

Cuz I'm hot like that!

Ladies & gents...the view (the slimy grimy view)

– I’ve gotten car chased at 3 am by two very sketchy dudes one night after work. I lost them and felt like I was in my very own version of The fast and the Furious: Casablanca Drift! (almost crapped my pants too, but let’s keep this part to ourselves).

– I advanced in my photo project (woot!)

– I stalled in my diet project*hangs head in shame*. I’ve actually gained 2 pounds. But but but…I’m back on track with counting calories, and eating right. I’ve also found a gym across the street from my new place. Their classes sound very interesting and I’m getting a free trial tomorrow.

– One Sunday, I went to see elephants. They have actually been stuck here because of some administrative mix up.  They’re so adorable!! Their trainer stayed here with them, and local people feed them everyday, but it broke my heart to know that they can’t get home yet.

Whatcha lookin at?

– I “married off” three of my friends, and one got engaged this week-end. Still not taking people’s hints to find a nice boy and settle down though… (Sorry grandma :/)

Hell yeah I'm off the market. Suck it, loser!

– Nothing new as far as job searching goes. But I’ll get back to that soon.

I think that wraps it up for the moment. Good night y’all-zis !!!

Short post

2 Apr

Seems like wedding season is in full blast. I’m getting ready for the second one this week end. Be back soon…

Puffing!

31 Mar

I woke up feeling like this :

I still am actually!

Today I was feeling puffy and heavy as ever. I don’t know if one can plateau this early on the diet.

I don’t understand why. The only faux-pax I made was this weekend, but still shed 2 pounds for my Tuesday weigh-in. My densest day since Monday was yesterday with 1300 cal, and I still get 8 glasses of water min. I’ve only exercised once though.

Is this normal? Did you guys ever experience something like this ?

Hoping!

28 Mar

After my last post, I was feeling down as ever. I met a friend later in the day for coffee and we had a great talk. He’s one of the few people I can really talk to about everything. He encourages me and truly believes that I will be whatever I want to become (regardless of how crazy my dreams are). That chat lifted my spirits up!

I still spent the week end in a slightly confused, I-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-my-life kinda state.

By Sunday, I realized that things will never get crystal clear and that doing nothing will not get me anywhere.  The future is foggy and that’s ok. I might never get an epiphany about how I can realize my dreams, the best thing I can do is follow my heart and hope for the best!

In other news: disastrous is a word I can use to define this week end food-wise. I’m not going to say much about this one, but I’m not proud of my choices. I’m back on the wagon today!

Happy Monday!

Destructive

25 Mar

I don’t see myself as someone essentially different from the norm. Most of the time, I’m a pretty happy person. I have great friends, and a loving family (with some issues, though what family doesn’t have their issues) . All in all, I have all the ingredients for a happy or at least content life. The thing is, I have some dark bouts that occur from time to time and seem to suck away all the positive energy from my life. Today, I feel like one of those is happening.

Today, we had to take some pics at work (individual team photos, nothing fancy). I saw myself in them and they knocked me right back to reality, a reality not similar to the one in my mind. I hated every inch of what I saw!

When did I become this person? Or was I always like this, only my imagination led me to believe I looked like something else entirely?

I mean I know I’m fat, but I don’t pay that much attention to it on a daily-up-to-the-minute-basis. I carry on with my life, business as usual. But I always get slapped by this harsh truth when I see photos like these of myself, when I try to shop for clothes or when I get those looks/remark. Those looks implying that you’re not an intelligent, normally functioning human being, deserving of love and attention just because you’re a big pile of fat mass.

Whenever this happens my self-esteem takes a huge blow and I go into full self-destructive mode, which makes me hate myself even more.

I’m sick of this, I’m sick of having to fight everyday in order to fit into a place that’s mine to begin with, I’m sick of having to be the nice, accommodating one, because really how can I even dare to be anything else with the way I  look.

I really hope with all my heart that this will be different in the future, but I don’t know when that day will come!

So hungry

25 Mar

It’s only 10:52 am and I’m already so hungry I could eat a horse… scratch that, I could eat a whole herd of wild horses and ask for the dessert menu!

What do you do in cases like these?

And so Friday night rolls around…

18 Mar

…this was the time I was usually home in bed online or watching a movie, and I was also usually surrounded by a few yummy companions (sad, really!)

This Friday, I’m in bed, online and I’ve broken up with my sugary prepackaged friends. I’m missing them but I’ll resist the temptation and see how I make it through the night.

So here’s to the most pathetic post in the blogosphere!  Cheerio!

 

*Edit: Woot! I went through the entire Friday night without once contemplating to go to the store downstairs. Let’s see how Saturday night fares!